I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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