I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
