i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize