my shit smells like andre
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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