he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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