you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
