I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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