I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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