New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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