So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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