Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
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Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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