i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
