So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize