okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
