She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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