you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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