is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
