I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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