you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
