True but thats because hes a fetus.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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