the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
