oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
