I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
