Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
