so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
