your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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