trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
