are you still at the devil's house?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
