so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When are your genitals available?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
