Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
