So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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