I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize