im six kinds of drunk right now
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
