A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
