i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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