if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
