..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
