Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
