My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
