drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
