She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
