Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
look no pants
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
