i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
