I hate your face
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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