I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I deserve this hangover.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
