She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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