I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
