i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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