No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
