Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
