I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
