Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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