Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
