maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
