She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
