My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
