Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
