dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
