her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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