Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
