ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
