Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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