everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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