The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
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How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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