dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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