her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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