He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
